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Go on, be a PERV.
and LOOK DOWN
for directions! =)
Thursday, July 29, 2004
wow..im soo tired..bloody mrs singh..4 periods of her todae..wa..canot take it..but ok la..thomas so farnie todae..walk past da window,bend dwn to sae hi..haha..i tot he talking to sr..but after dat i turned around and saw her head buried deep in her work (gasp!) haha..saw him everywhere todae..always pop out..scary..haha..my moods were lifted abit when ms tan excused me frm maths remedail..haha..and before dat i said hi to sumone and he said it bac! haha..im gald..speaking of it jus brings a smile back on my face.. =D wa..da scene keeps appearing in my head..haha..though we're jus those kinda hi-bye frens.. sigh..
let me tell u sumthg todae..its so gross..bleahs..ahem.. it was after recess and i was looking 'round for a drink of water..alicious didnt bring her bottle down..argh..(stupid roti john so hot todae) sec 2s on da left and sec 1s on da right..all my frens had to bottle wif them..so i tried my luck with my juniors..of cos e4 was nearer to me dan e2..and dere was pedro(hey if u're in my blog,im sorrie bout how crude im writing this) he was sitting dere..and everytime i turned around to look for my junior.. he would always have this sick grin on his face looking at me..i was like..wtf! get lost! u sicko! i stun tio..when i saw him..okie..i admit..i found him cute at first..budden, he gradually got uglier..eyer! walau eh..pls la..find sumone of ur own taste..gross..okie i'll stop here..before i puke out all of my delicious dinner(exggaration)..haha
lovable me. ! 9:25 AM
Wednesday, July 21, 2004
sumtink on behind my sholuder is hurting me..reali painful..i had everybodie to massage dat side of my shoulder..but..to no avail..still in pain..o yesh..thanx ya sr..for tending to me for the whole of pe..haha..(i made her massage my sholuder throughout the whole of pe) haha..o well..todaes racial harmony..nice day..colourful..not bad..
i've come to a conculsion..i dun lyk ppl saying "lo / loh" so frequently..i dont lyk the sound of it..sigh..but i hear it everyday..after maths remedial we went to play basketball wif our class guys..bully seh! dun wan giv ball..hais..sad case..went home early..to rest.. zZzZZzZZzz
-------------------====--------------------
[part two] sorrie it took so long :B
I slapped him, without a word, I stormed off. I did not know what to say. I just hailed a taxi and reached home. I felt hot on my face. I didn't know what to think, or rather, I didn't want to think anymore. When I had reached home, I walked into my room. I felt hot on my face, and that was when I felt hot tears were streaming down my cheeks. I broke down quietly. I didn't know how long was I in the room, but all I could hear was the ringing of my handphone.
"Mei, this is Mum, can I come in?",I heard my mum said. I opened the door, and little I expected was Gary. I tried pushing back the door, but I was too weak to do anything and I fell down. He quickly helped me up, but i tried pushing him away. The door was closed and I wanted to scream at him. I really wanted, but no words came out of my mouth.
"Mei, you've mistaken. Please, listen to me, I didn't do whatever you've saw. It was a misunderstanding. Trust me. That girl was Rachel, our classmate, remember? I was dining with her with a business contract, when later that guy appeared. Rachel just slipped her hands around me and told that guy I was her boyfriend. I was shocked initially, and decided to ask her why she did that after that guy left. After that slap, she told me she was getting back at that guy, who was her current boyfriend, but as he's married and she was not told, she wanted to get back to her. Little she expect you were there."
"Mei, I don't know if you trust me. But I really can't bear to make you sad, it hurts me very deeply. I know there are some difficulties in your family, and that is why I was on business just now." At this point of time, Gary shoved an evenlope to me. " Although you may not tell me, but I have already knew what happen. Please Mei, don't be mad."
Tears kept rolling down the once familiar face I've remembered. Gary was crying. I couldn't believe it. I finally see the old Gary I know, who talks to me like we used to. No longer that proud man I felt I was with. I opened the evenlope. It was a cheque of $15,000. Later I got to know he already knew about my father's condition long ago, but he did not say anything but worked doubly hard. When times I rejected him to go out, he started work real hard and saved up the money for me.
I finally broke down. Broke down that wall between us. While hugging him, I came to an conclusion: I should have known better to let him know earlier. A couple needed to communicate to maintain a relationship. I don't know how long I can live, but so long I have that mouth of breath, I'll still love him. And that goofy smile of his..
lovable me. ! 8:47 PM
Tuesday, July 20, 2004
well well well..im back..jus got back frm sch..tired tired tired..haiz..jus now in class..yee liang so cute..haha.. he speaks lyk leonard! totally man..so alike..! same de..wa..i wan go jio yee liang le..haha..wont wan la..gd frens nia..but we quite klose leh..i tink..haha..do da mascot..until kena poisened sia..spray da paint..till its all over my hands..wa..i did hair extension! so nice..haha..yesterdae go festpiel..not bad..reali nice music..and the ppl dere..wahaha..sum so kua zhang..sum so sexy sia..sr la..gwen la..hl and weishi..im da simplest noe..a black tee and da mng skirt..haha..cum to tink of it..rebecca, stephanie and i wore da same skirt ..so farnie..wa.. da guys ar..a shirt and long pants can liao..enuff to drool over..so shuai..! i'll nvr forget lo..esp sumone..haha which is me! ahaha..dan me timo gwen deb and alicious all got lost..haha..we were to go to funan..when we reached..all closed le..sad case..so,we continued walking and walking..so farnie..we walked till central fire station and we finally decided dat we got lost..haiya..wanted to hail a cab budden all got peeps..alas! we saw suntec! and raffles city! wa..so relieved sia..gwen's mum picked her up..cious and debz tompang..timo and i ate subway before getting on the train..haha..last nite considered as not bad liao le..my first time..haha..
and todae..ws hl quarrell wif cious..wad can i sae..its gd dat they let her noe..but it was a tinsey bit too harsh..
okie..heres part one of a story..for this week..
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[part one]
I took a deep breath. Was I seeing things? How could he betrayed me.......? Life became coloured when I got to know Gary. Things were simple, he had finished his national service and we were in the same course in 'U' we studied and the friends we both knew introduced him to me. Although he might not be a dashing guy who would sweep your feet off, he just had that warming smile everytime he saw me. Really, things were simple, going out for dates, little hugs and kisses every now and then, talks over any topic around the world, and I'm attracted to that goofy smile..... Things were fine in the beginning, we graduated and he got a job at XX Bank. as an finance executive, whereas,as I wanted to try something different in my life, I got a job as a operations executive at a hotel, which is far from what I've studied. Perhaps we were in a different industry, things got slowed down between us. No longer talks about anything but figures, figures, figures. He talked about his colleagues to me, grumbling why he was not credited when he helped the bank to earn so much, how much clients he had attracted and things were just not the same anymore. I didn't even remember that familiar smile on his face. Unknowingly at times, I started staring at his face blankly, thinking where had that smile gone too. He shook me up, asking me if I was ok. I woke up, and said nothing. Perhaps with this gap, we had drifted somehow. No longer this is called a relationship, it was a routine, yet not a promising one. To make things worse, before that problem surfaced, my father had contracted throat cancer. We were not a rich family, and the whole family would have to depend on me for the medical treatments. I did not want to approach anyone, I did not even let Gary know about this. Times I had rejected him to go out for dates as I took up part time jobs. He was confused, and that even drifted us more. I understood I should tell him, but I did not want him to worry too much. To one point of time, we stopped seeing each other. We only met once in a month, and my father's medical bills were pilling, I couldn't almost cope. I was working very hard and I almost broke down psychologically. Finally one day, when I was at my part-time work place, I almost stopped breathing. It was Gary, with another girl's hand around his arm, talking to a guy friend. I was confused. I did not know how to react. I just frooze there. To a point of time, when I saw that guy friend went off, I woke up. I could not be bother with the job anymore, took my bag, and stormed to that man who had that shock face I had never seen. He betrayed me.
lovable me. ! 12:02 AM
Tuesday, July 13, 2004
im soo tired..eyes are like gona drop soon..haiya..my daddy is back..! frm thailand..he went to check if hes reali going to be posted to china..he said the company's gona print namecards soon..so it would be most prob huh..haiya..well..gota depend on how long hes gona be posted dere..if its longer dan 6 mths..whole family mus go wif him..da longest is 2 yrs i tink..haha..i've said it all out..well..i dont reali mind..as we're gona be in guangzhou..nicey place i heard..beta la..new enviroment..more frens..but i cant leave my precious netballers alone..hahaha..budden..if reali going..september go liao le..well chuan dao qiao tou zi ran zhi..haha..well so sad hl..this wk no nicey story..but a little something to make u think..
-------------=========---------------------
the words below is written by a 19 years old girl who have not completed high school.
[..]
When we meet the right person to love when we're at the right place at the right time, that's chance.
When you meet someone you're attracted to, that's not a choice. That's chance.
Being caught up in a moment (and there's a lot of couples who get together because of this) is not a choice. That's also a chance.
The difference is what happens afterwards. When will you take that infatuation, that crush, that mind-blowing attraction to the next level?
That's when all sanity goes back, you sit down and contemplate whether you want to make this into a concrete relationship or just a fling. If you decide to love a person, even with his faults, that's not a chance. That's choice.
When you choose to be with a person, no matter what, that's choice. Even if you know there are many people out there who are more attractive, smarter, and richer than your mate, and yet, you decide to love your mate just the same, that's choice.
Infatuation, crushes, attraction comes to us by chance. But true love that lasts is truly a choice. A choice that we make.
Regarding soul mates, there's a beautiful movie quote that I believe is so true about this: '' Fate brings you together, but it's still up to you to make it happen.''
I do believe that soul mates do exist. That there is truly someone made for you. But it's still up to you to make the choice if you're going to do something about it or not. We may meet our soul mates by chance, but loving and staying with our soul mates is still a choice we have to make.
We came to the world not by finding someone perfect to love...
BUT to learn how to love an imperfect person perfectly...
its reali nice..da words are so meaningful..it made me think..after so much i've been through..its all da tip of the ice berg...
lovable me. ! 10:20 PM
Friday, July 09, 2004
lalala..im in a gd mood todae..i've decided how i wana live my life..and no one's gona tell me how..haha..totally humiliated my smally juniors todae..haha..so farnie..will rmb to do dat again..but in the end..i had to blanja dem to drinks..hais..but its okie..they're my precious..haha..day will represent whitley man..(= so boring noe.. nowadaes no bodie msg le..all got their own bao beis to care bout..imm aloone..haha..its quite true..alicious saes shes left out..but shes not..stupid dumb..haha..festpiel cumming..gota be a goodie gurl if i wana go..haha..i duno wad to sae..i wished i could turn back time and re-do stuff..lots of stuff..in the end..im still not ok..da wound's still dere..and its deep..it will take a long long time to heal..its a painful progress.. da healed wound may spilt up agian..speaking of it makes me wana cry again..it hurts so much..haiyas..cant be helped..so..i've swore off guys..and dats tat..
lovable me. ! 9:40 PM
Saturday, July 03, 2004
我回来了..haha..after so long..musta been bzi..i tink..haha..haven came her for a long long time..lyk debbie asks y i haven been here for sooo long..haven got a chance to cum back..
i've been tinking recently..i've decided dat i jus wana dissapear frm da earth's surface..i jus wana go away..and nvr cum back..hows dat..i tink nobodie will miss me ya..haha..but llx..if u're reading this..thx okie..for listening..and im sorrie for having u on..i didnt mean it..对不起! haha..im gona be luffing alot..im gona luff it all away..i cant help but hating myself more as daes go by..well..heres a nicey storie as i said i would post every week..
------------------============-----------------
[rain rain go away]
He would always stand there in his usual spot at the bus stop.
I will always sit there at my usual seat at the bus stop across. Same time ,Same place he will be there. I don't know why he seems so attractive to me. I just like to look at him, wishing he would look at me too.. Never will it happen. And each day I would just stand there. Each tiny action, each little move captured my attention. I noticed how he's always alone , how smart he carries his sling bag around his shoulder, how cool he lean against the pole... It becaome my daily highlight, hoping to be able to see him again. Even if it is watching from far afar... I feel stupid, silly.
Falling for a guy whom i never talk to, who might not even know my existence, not even knowing his age, his name. I practice day after day what will I do if he comes walking up to me. I would imagine he coming over and say, " Hey I see you everyday. You live near here? Want go for coffee?" It remained a fantasy day after day. He seems so near yet so far. I can only hold my admiration and love for him from afar. He's so perfect to me. I kept my hair long on the assumption that most guys like long hair. Maybe he too... I try to look my best everyday.. however I know I can't deny the fact that I'm just a plain simple girl who gone on dates less than 10 times. 'Maybe it's just puppy love' I told myself each night at the same time bearing hope to see him the next morning.
I remembered it was raining that morning. I rushed out of home without an umbrella and was unable to make across to my usual bus stop due to the pouring rain. While I standing there puffing breaths of white mist into the air, he was there, beside me. In my hurry I never noticed him. My fantasy, my dream guy of so many months is now besides me.. How can I handle this.. Looking desperately for something to do, I try hard to calm myself. In my clumsiness I dropped my purse. Shit! I just disgraced myself in front of him. Now he will think that I'm just a clumsy nerd. To my astonishment, he helped me to pick up the purse and handed it over to me. I just shyly mumbled a thanks, bending my head low and stare hard at the ground.
"Do you live around here?"
Those were the first words he spoke to me and breathed life into the frozen me.. [His name is Ryan and lived around the neighbourhood, a year older than me.] I responded shyly to his questions. Simple 'yes' and no', clutching my hands tightly together. Suddenly there's a long period of slience. He just stood there looking at me. I quickly avoided his eye and sing softly to myself... " Rain rain go away come again another day~"
" Why do you want the rain to go away...?" he asked.
I was confused. His bus had arrived and is leaving. I can only uttered, " Your bus is here..." He turned and said goodbye... And all I can do is silently watched him go away. We talked over the phone for the next few days, exchanging long hours of experenices and thoughts. I realised that we have so much in common. like tha same kind of music, hate to have milk in coffee... etc.... I was like living in a dream, a wonderful one, wishing that I will never have to wake up...
Finally he dated me out. I spent hours chosing the right outfit, putting on make up.. hoping he will like my perfume. When we met at the bus stop, he looked so much handsomer in his pants n shirt... rather than the usual T-shirt n jeans. I thank God for everything... We went to this cosy little pub and went for a stroll along the beach hand in hand. I don't know who reached for whose. But it feels nice to feel his hand holding mine... A light drizzle came and he suggested to sit at the nearby shelther. Sitting close together, I can feel his breathing, his heart beat so near... Looking at the rain I just sing naturally... " Rain rain go away come again another day...~" He turned and looked at me straight in the eye, " Why do you want the rain to go away...?" I was dumbfounded... He gently tilted my chin n kissed me. Hugging me close, he whispered.. " I will be leaving for a while.. but trust me I hate to leave you..." I could not gather enough strength to ask why... just nodded my head... and bathed in that moment of bliss. He was not there at the bus stop the next day, the day after.. I don't know what happened and was afraid to know ... thinking sadly he must have dumped me.. But when I recalled his sad eyes when he sent me home... his gentle face... I know deep in my heart I trust him...
A parcel came for me a month later. I opened it to find a necklace with an angel pendant and a letter from Ryan. With trembling hands I read ...
"Dear Angela.. by the time you received this letter... I might be in heaven by now, watching over you... I'm sorry... never mean to hide the fact that I'm suffering from brain cancer all along... But I'm scared you might leave me... if you know the truth... For months, day after day, I watched you across the bus stop... thinking if you ever see me... You look so beautiful, just like an angel... an angel to brighten up my life.. I know with my condition, I will never be able to be with you for the rest of your life... Hence I never approached you... The day the rain came.. it was like a miracle for me... You're standing besides me, a blushing angel full of life.. while I'm just a dying patient... I gathered courage to talk to you and got to know you. Knowing you was the best thing that ever happen.. I think it's God's last gift to me... for me to know and love you... I don't want the rain to go away... I want to be with you forever... Please don't be sad.. I will always be with you, watching over you... I love you, Angela... now and forever..."
" I love you too , Ryan... I really do...."
lovable me. ! 7:45 PM
.:amanda:.
.:260290:.
.:Christian:.
.:INNOVIAN:.
.:netballer:.
.:e2 girls:.
.:ELECKTRA:.
loves=
[God]
[all my friends]
[netball]
[to stone]
[music]
hates=
[smokers]
[liars]
[attention seekers]
[posers]
[unreasonable people]
entries;
profile;
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past;
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